I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
