Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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