I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
