I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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