cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I can text with my tongue
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
