OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
