guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
