Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Randomize
