Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
