then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
