I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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