Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
