Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
