did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
