I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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