quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
