Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
