He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
