She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
