do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
