she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
