just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dick has a subreddit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
