and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
