Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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