I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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