you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
