I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
