I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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