She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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