he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
