but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
