when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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