naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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