I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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