i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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