just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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