I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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