Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
