Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The air was thick with penises
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
