As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
