either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
