awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
