So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
