actually, I'm a sock model
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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