either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
