nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
