Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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