went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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