There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
