i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found the puke drawer
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
