The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
