Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
