I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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