i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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