i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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