somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
