What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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