Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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