Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
