His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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