So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
