she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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