thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
