I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
