you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
