im about as happy as oj after his trial
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
