Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
